I woke up again today to another dark, cold, miserable, wet day. But in a sad way it felt good; like the world was mourning with me.
It has been 3 months today since you grew your wings, i still grieve for you everyday. I miss you so much and am still trying to find answers. My doctor informed us at a check up appointment that they had lost my placenta so no tests had been done on it. His words were, 'they have probably thrown it in the bin'. We are left angry and confused. These tests were the only hope we had of finding out what went wrong, why this Subcorionic Hematoma grew so big instead of resolving, and why you could not be saved.
When you left us my world stood still... these past 3 months have been a blur, i have trouble focusing for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
There is rarely a moment when im not thinking of you, yet those moments still hurt just as much. I feel so lost without you. This isnt how it is supposed to be!
In 4 weeks and 6 days from now we should be proud parents welcoming you into this world, taking our baby home with us, anticipating that first smile... that first word ...and those first steps. Not feeling so sad and empty thinking about what should have been.
Time has not healed the pain of loosing you at all, but i am learning not to cry everyday now. I can at least hold back the tears untill i get to the car, or am on my own. I can laugh a little when we have friends and family around but it is still you i am still thinking of.
Loosing a loved one is always hard to deal with, but when it is your child it is so much harder to accept. The feelings are so intense....
I will never be the same person, i lost a part of myself that day, but i hope one day there will be more good days than bad and i can learn to accept the 'new normal'!
Missing you always baby boy
Goodnight...... XOXO
Hi I'm sorry for your loss. I saw the video on youtube and I just went threw the same thing 1 month ago how do you feel now that months have passed ?
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteFirstly i am so sorry that you too have experienced such a devastating loss.
It has now been just over 12 months since Jie passed awaay. I still think of him everyday. He is the first thing i think of in the morning and the last thing i think of at night. I still get that strong physical need to hold him again and i still have days that i cant help but cry uncontrollably. It has certainly been a tough journey so far.
I can tell you that i am now slowly starting to have more better days than bad and am starting to see the beauty in life again.
Jie will always be a very loved and missed member of our family and we will do everything we can to ensure his memory lives on.
I hope that in time you too find something to comfort you and help you through your grief. If you ever need someone to talk to i am always here.
Thinking of you and your family.
xxx
I feel the same way sometimes I wake up and think about her I had a girl I named her Guadalupe I would like to send you a picture of her alter I made ay my home. She was born March 21st i m glad I found someone to shar my expierence with because believe it or not we are alike you have a daughter and I have a son almost the same age and you had a boy and I had a girl I think god put you in my path. When you loode a baby you need a hug you need someone to talk to and my family didn't let me cry they wanted to keep me strong. But sometimes I wanna cry all day but don't do it because I know it can harm me mentally I know it was gods will but I can't forget it and never will. People say I'm young and can have more kids and stuff but they really don't understand the meanings of the words they say. It wasn't just oh my babys gone noo we had to give birth to a stillborn it was very hard for me I didn't know her sex until she came out. Did you have to go threw some therapy ?
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